Just a thought!

Move Over!

So there you are. It’s a beautiful day and you’re walking along your favorite path or street and everything would be perfect if only your loved one who is with you weren’t dawdling behind, wandering at his/her own pace and seemingly lost in his/her own thoughts. Here is my advice with how to solve this inconvenience. Slow down! Allow room for your loved one to walk alongside you. Move Over and Let Someone Walk Alongside You!

This is especially the case when your loved one may be struggling with depression, bipolar or schizophrenia. Is it really helpful for either of you to try and hurry your loved one or get him/her “up to your speed”? Time is precious as we all know, and we all have schedules to keep, but my question to you would be: What is more precious than time? You don’t have to talk about why s/he is choosing to walk behind you and others, since it might in part be due to you not giving him/her the room to just be, and to be met at the level that s/he is emotionally at the time. S/he might be trying to reduce anxiety and so choose to walk a little behind as they attempt to cope with whatever s/he is experiencing during this activity or outing. Sometimes simply checking in and letting your loved one know you wish to be with him/her if they are able to have you walk alongside them is a powerful gesture.

By taking the time to include our loved one who is experiencing symptoms of a mental illness in shared activities the same way we would with any other person participating, we reestablish our connection with our loved one, even if it is done via shared silence when talking isn’t possible. By paying attention to your loved one’s experience you immediately give validity to the experience. This is a very subtle but powerful truth.

I am regularly told by a parent that when they have been in an activity with a group of people that they felt frustrated when they noticed that their adult child was lagging behind and seemingly appeared oblivious that everyone else ahead of them was engaged in the adventure and he or she is drawing back further and further. On the other hand, many clients that I have worked with have often told me how they have felt left out and that they have felt that no one cared if they were with a group or not. Some have reported that when they felt too anxious and shared this they were told not to spoil everyone’s day and just try hard to join in at the activity level of the group. The fact is that too often no one notices that someone is lagging behind until the people in front are feeling that they are being slowed down. So, instead of simply expecting your loved one, that you know often struggles to maintain a comfort level with others in the community, keeps up with others, give them the room to walk alongside you while you meet them where they are. Sometimes dawdling and wandering can be more enjoyable than keeping the pace. Try consciously giving your loved one the space to be as s/he is. A connection that is most positive for your loved one and yourself is most likely to develop when you are accepting and respecting s/he as s/he is. Kindness is giving one space to be who they are without judgment. So remember, Move Over and Let Someone Walk Alongside You!

Just a Thought we want to share with you

Michele and Paul

Willow Haven Resources /Case management services
M.Ludwig & Associates Inc;
Case Manager/Director
Michele Ludwig-Petersen